Report: American TV has too much naughty sex. Nuh uhhhh!!!

The Parents Television Council (PTC) has just released a report that reveals that American TV is big on extramarital sex and light on married sex.

Knock me over with a feather. Never woulda figured that one out on my own.

I kinda scratch my head over outfits like the PTC. I mean, community advocacy, awareness-raising, yada yada yada, good on them. On the other hand, what's the point? If you are too dumb to realize that the vast majority of television programming is inappropriate for kids, I hope you don't have them. And forget asking Hollywood to look like Kansas. Ain't gonna happen, folks.

The interesting thing is that the report admits that most married Americans have happier and more frequent sex than non-marrieds, so perhaps we're not so swayed by the boob tube. Either way, I do not expect the entertainment industry to reflect my values or teach my values. I just reach for the remote.

For what it's worth, here are the top five family-friendly programs in heavy TiVo rotation at GGB Central:

Good Eats
MythBusters
Modern Marvels
Big Daddy's Kitchen
Platinum Weddings

Scarlett Johansson's PSA

Michelle Malkin today reported that actress Scarlett Johansson visited our troops in Kuwait, and good on her for that. Malkin noted that Johansson is gracing the troops with her presence despite being a sharp critic of GWB (big surprise -- I know) and his anti-abortion stance.

Which led me to finding this interesting tidbit about Ms. Johansson: She gets tested twice a year for HIV. She says frequent testing is "part of being a decent human being." And, if you happen to be either freebasing or randier than a frat boy on Bourbon Street, I would agree with you.

But au contraire:

"Contrary to popular belief, I'm not promiscuous. There does seem to be a mistaken belief out there that I am sexually available somehow — which is not to say that I'm not open-minded about sex."

Makes perfect sense, ScarJo. Obviously, non-promiscuous, non-sexually-available people are in dire need of frequent HIV tests. After all, toilet-seat transmission is still a very real and scary possibility.

Thanks for clearing that up.

Methinks the lady doth protest too much

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the latest inductee into the 15 Minutes Hall of Fame: Jane Doe of the "Rock My World" commercial fame. Here's the story on Fox News, and here's the video of the jewelry ad that Jane Doe claims made her look pornographic without her consent. (She's suing for $5 mil, saying it has tarnished her "wholesome" image.) Please note, the video is somewhat NSFW.

Hmmm, let's see ....

Lacy nightie? Check.
Red satin sheets? Check.
Writhing? Check.
Stroking the face? Check.
Heavy breathing? Check.

As an astute commenter on YouTube said, "I can see why she's upset. The director just asked her to act like she's playing tennis."

Fatwa'ed: Imam sez you can't be nekkid during sex with your spousal unit

Good thing I'm not Muslim:

Leading Islamic Cleric: Nudity During Sex Annuls Marriage (Hat tip: LGF)

But if I were Muslim, this would lead to some interesting questions: Can I wear a hat? How about stillettos? Two Band-Aids and dental floss?

One LGF commenter wondered if there was an online database for fatwas -- they're getting so hard to keep up with. Is there an official Fatwa Report? How about an RSS feed? Perhaps you can sign up for e-mail fatwa alerts to get your fresh fatwas every morning.

Can I issue a fatwa? Do I have to be Muslim? Do I have to fill out an application or something? I've been wanting to issue a fatwa against telemarketers. And Michael Bolton.

I want my pink back

Eve Ensler and fellow Code Pinkers protested this weekend against the war and the "surge," which Ensler likened to something that ... ahem ... happens to teenage boys in the middle of the night. She invoked images of things "swelling" and "rising" and "lasting just a minute."

OKAY, Eve, we get the picture.

Ensler has managed to completely invert the ideals of the women's movement. I thought women struggled to be recognized for their brains. You know, we're substantive, thoughtful, more than just the sum of our womanly parts.

Now, Ensler and the other Pinkers flounce around in ridiculous outfits, screeching, snickering about genitalia, and holding signs with insightful commentary such as "Augmentation is for Boobs."

And for Pete's sake, enough with the pink. Pink is a perfectly wonderful color, and I want it back.

I hope she can get the deposit on the caterer back

Here's someone who's having a bad day: You're a judge in Memphis, and you discover that not only has your fiancé had sex with another woman, he is in jail because he paid said woman to have sex with her 8-year-old daughter.

Fiance of Memphis Judge Accused of Paying Woman for Sex With 8-Year-Old Daughter (Fox News)

If I were that woman, I don't know what I'd do, but I can think of a few possibilities ... Epilady his entire body followed by a nice sea salt scrub comes to mind.

Yuck.