A word from the arch-bitch-shop

This is American bishop Catherine Roskam, who caused a ruckus at the Anglican Church's Lambeth Conference. She basically said that because some men beat their wives, and most of the bishops at the conference are men, then there must be some wife-beaters among the bishops.

"We have 700 men here. Do you think any of them beat their wives? Chances are they do. The most devout Christians beat their wives... many of our bishops come from places where it is culturally accepted to beat your wife."

You know, some women are beyotches. There are an increasing number of ordained women in the Anglican Church, so there must be some beyotches among the female Anglican clergy.

There's an upside to a Fred Phelps stalking

Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist "Church" knuckleheads are at it again.

They picketed Tim Russert's funeral, and now they plan a repeat performance at the late great Tony Snow's funeral.

I'm beginning to think that instead of reviling these people, we ought to thank them. If you get picketed by Fred and Co., besides the unfortunate fact that you are dead, you probably did something right in life to piss him off. You were probably a fallen military hero or -- like Snow -- an honorable public figure. Heck, even Jeffrey Dahmer looks like a dignified saint next to Fred Phelps.

Seriously, as hard as it might be, I think Jill Snow ought to walk right up to Freddie, shake his hand and thank him for all the positive publicity for her dearly departed husband.

I'm only half joking.

Do you think there's a way to piss off Fred Phelps while you're still alive? I mean, wouldn't it be great to get a personal damning-to-hell from Freddo himself? I could sell T-shirts: "Fred Phelps' Proud Whore of Babylon Since 2008."

I mean, I don't think this guy is ever going to relent unless someone turns him into mashed potatoes. (Which I'm surprised hasn't happened yet.) Might as well make a profit and have some fun why he's still making an ass of himself.

Maxine Waters ...

... threatened to "socialize" (she meant "nationalize") the oil companies in Congressional hearings today.

Solid 25-percenter, that Maxine is. Solid. Could we earmark some funds to send her a copy of Economics for Dummies? Anyone?

Stick it to the man! Vote for Obama!

Just watched Obama's speech. I am so damn excited that he wants to reward work and not wealth. Because God knows, one has nothing to do with the other. I swear, all that lush, filthy wealth just materalizing out of nowhere -- no fair that CEOs own all the magic fairy wealth-creating dust and all us cretins have to work, work, work, work, work, work, work ...

Annoyance

Hi, bunkies! The GGB is tucked away in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, with her sweetie. Hubby and I have had a marvelous time, and a full report is forthcoming later this week.

Rich and I sampled some fine cigars this weekend, and I've been 'Net-searching tonight for recommended cigar-friendly hangouts. Let me just say, I am getting so tired of non-Alabamian reviewers being so friggin' surprised that anything quality exists in Birmingham, like this brilliant beginning of a review of the Blue Monkey Lounge from WineSpectator.com by one Jason Sheftell:

There's an old joke that goes something like, "What's the best thing coming out of Alabama?" The punchline, "Highway 20/59."

While Alabamians enjoy a good laugh, they know their state has heaps more to offer than rednecks and ugly documentary footage. The GulfCoast [sic], the Robert T. Jones Golf Trail, the Alabama-Auburn rivalry, barbecue and Southern hospitality are the least of it--especially for the hedonistic cigar aficionado.

Yeah ... we all think that joke is just HI-larious. By the way, nice of you to admit we aren't ALL mouth-breathers.

If remnants of segregation still linger in certain parts of the South, the Blue Monkey isn't one of them. A diverse crowd lounged around as if they had nowhere to go and nothing to do but sit and be lively, sip their drinks, relax, and revel in a nice smoke and cordial conversation with a passerby or an old friend.

I just love it. He might as well say: "Even though some Southerners still think George Wallace was just a super cool dude, the Blue Monkey is decidedly not one of those places where you'll accidentally walk in on a Klan meeting."

I am so relieved that Wine Spectator has declared one of the 'Ham's most popular bars a Bubba-free Zone (TM), aren't you?

Can't help wondering if this is by the same Jason Sheftell. If so, he seems to have a preoccupation with ethnic stereotypes:

Orthodox Jews race around in black hats carrying heavy books and bags of bialys. Chinese people worship in Buddhist temples next to electronics shops and restaurant supply stores.

You want money for WHAT???

In all fairness, Hillary Clinton is not the only pol who enjoys playing fast and loose with other people's cash.

You know those protests going on in Berkeley, Calif.? You know those federal earmarks for Berkeley that Sen. Jim DeMint wants to get rid of? Wondered what they were for? Here ya go: (emphasis mine)

Over $2 million was secretly tucked away for Berkeley earmarks in the 2008 Omnibus Appropriations bill, projects that were never voted on or debated... Included in the $2 million worth of pork are some particularly wasteful projects. One earmark provides gourmet organic lunches to schools in the Berkeley School District. While our Marines are making due with MREs of Sloppy Joe and Chili with Beans, the organization Chez Panisse is getting federal tax dollars to design meals that promote "environmental harmony." Chez Panisse's menu features Comté cheese soufflé with mâche salad," "Meyer lemon éclairs with huckleberry coulis" and "Chicory salad with creamy anchovy vinaigrette and olive toast."

I'm now re-imagining the fictional conversation from my previous post:

"Give me $2 million."

"What?"

"For my kid's Meyer lemon eclairs and chicory salad."

Hey, Berkeley: Go feed your kids Meyer lemon eclairs and chicory salad on your own friggin' dime.

'Scuse me while I go have some ramen.

(Hat tip: Michelle Malkin)

UPDATE: I just love how the SF Chronicle characterizes the federal earmarks in question: "Washington money bound for Berkeley schools, food programs and ferries." If you didn't know any better, wouldn't you imagine pencils and peanut butter sandwiches? Yeah, I would, too.

The tyranny of Hillary-style "sharing"

Hillary Clinton says she wants to give every newborn in America a $5,000 bond. Sounds good in principle, but I ask you, dear reader, to imagine the following exchange between you and Random Person on the Street:

"Give me $5,000."

"Well, I don't have $5,000."

"Then give me $50. And the names of 99 of your friends."

"What for? Why should I be giving you money?"

"It's for my baby."

"Is something wrong with your baby?"

"No, I just want money for my kid's future."

"Well, that's nice, but don't you have a job? Any friends or family who could help you out?"

"Yes, but that's not the point. I want you to cough up $50."

"Why?"

"Because it's the right thing to do! It's sharing the wealth. You ought to share. Didn't they teach you that in kindergarten? Besides, I see that you have a house and a car and two dogs. Surely you could give up $50."

"I'm not going to give you $50. Sorry."

"Then I'll take it out of your next paycheck."

"That's stealing!"

"No, it isn't. You make more money than I do."

"So?"

"So?! So?! Lady, don't you realize that there's only so much money to go around? C'mon, you won't miss it."

"That's not true, and it doesn't matter if I'll 'miss it,' it belongs to me and you can't just demand that I give it to you."

"But I need it for my kid's future. Don't you want my kids to have a good future?"

"Of course I do."

"Then give me money."

"No."

"Heartless bitch."

"Do you have ANY money of your own to save up?"

"No."

"Nothing? Nothing you couldn't give up?"

"No."

"How about your cable subscription?"

"That's none of your business!"

"Damn straight it's my business, you want my money!"

"Heartless bitch.'"

"You voted for Hillary, didn't you."

Like I said: 25 percent

Not. Making. This. Up.

Fox News: Report: 1 in 4 Britons Think Winston Churchill Never Existed

This dovetails nicely with GGB Rule #1, which is that fully 25 percent of the population is functionally retarded. Goes a long way toward explaining a lot.

Epic oops

Employee suspects she's about to be fired. Employee erases her company's data. Employee arrested. Read the rest.

(Hat tip: Kim Riddlebarger)

Potato Jesus

Fox News: Florida Pastor Finds Jesus Image in Split Potato

Is this woman for real? She was having an existential crisis about whether she should make potato salad?

"I was hesitant about making the potato salad because Sister Frankie makes the potato salad at church and I said, 'Lord, if it’s not for me to make potato salad then send me a sign.'"

::: smacking forehead :::

Apparently, she interpreted the "sign" as an indication that she should, actually, make the potato salad, which she did.

“It was good. It was the best you [sic] ever made ... it was almost as good as Sister Frankie's,” said Bishop Brewster.

Sister Frankie was unavailable for comment.

Fun with Wii news, part 1: A Tale of Two Prisons

I once worked for a woman who was mean as a snake. An ungodly terror, but she'd worked 17 years for a newspaper and taught me more about proper writing than anyone else, save my college profs. She told us that in her day, your third misspelling would get you fired.

This sort of makes me long for those days:


(FYI, that's a cell phone photo of the Wii news feature displayed on the living room TV.)

"En route two prisons." I mean, I can understand making a silly mistake and typing "two" instead of "to," but pluralizing "prison"? What is this, leet-speak?

Im in ur cort, rulin aginst ur muzlims

Scarlett Johansson's PSA

Michelle Malkin today reported that actress Scarlett Johansson visited our troops in Kuwait, and good on her for that. Malkin noted that Johansson is gracing the troops with her presence despite being a sharp critic of GWB (big surprise -- I know) and his anti-abortion stance.

Which led me to finding this interesting tidbit about Ms. Johansson: She gets tested twice a year for HIV. She says frequent testing is "part of being a decent human being." And, if you happen to be either freebasing or randier than a frat boy on Bourbon Street, I would agree with you.

But au contraire:

"Contrary to popular belief, I'm not promiscuous. There does seem to be a mistaken belief out there that I am sexually available somehow — which is not to say that I'm not open-minded about sex."

Makes perfect sense, ScarJo. Obviously, non-promiscuous, non-sexually-available people are in dire need of frequent HIV tests. After all, toilet-seat transmission is still a very real and scary possibility.

Thanks for clearing that up.

A glimpse behind the scenes at Chez GGB

The scene: "R" and the GGB at the GGB's home watching Fox News' coverage of the SOTU and the Democrat response by Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine (D).

















Brit Hume: "And now we go live to the governor's mansion in Richmond, Virginia."

R: "I've been right on those steps." (R is a former resident of Virginia.)

GGB: "Oooh, a fireplace. Looks like he's going to read us a bedtime story."

Kaine: "Hi, I'm Tim Kaine, governor of the Commonwealth of Virginia. And there is a better way."

R: "What is up with this guy's eyebrow?"

GGB: "The government's going to take care of you, we're going to pay for everything, blah dee blah blah blah."

Kaine: "There is a better way."

R: "Creepy, creepy."

GGB: "I feel like I'm watching an informercial. Like he's going to sell us power tools. No, he's not (grunting sound) enough to sell us power tools."

R: "Maybe kitchen appliances."

Kaine: "There is a better way."

GGB: "You didn't vote for this guy, did you?"

R: (looking absolutely horrified) "Hell no!"

Kaine: "Thereisabetterwaythereisabetterywaythereisabetterway. God bless America."

Brit Hume: "Let's go now to our panel and discuss how they go about choosing someone to offer the Democratic response and why they would pick such a person. Mort?"

GGB: "Want another beer?"

R: "Absolutely."

UPDATE: Something else had been bothering me about Kaine, and I finally figured it out. He eerily reminds me of "Larry," a guy I went out with about a year ago who (1) was on lithium, (2) couldn't take no for an answer (especially when I objected to being clumsily felt up on our third date), and (3) HAS THE SAME EYEBROW WEIRDNESS.

Eeewww. Icky.