Friday, August 19, 2005

Y kant gies rede?

(Better known as: "Why can't guys read?")

I'm about ready to cash in my memberships at two -- count 'em, two -- online dating services and hire a yenta.

Yes, the GGB continues her elusive search for Mr. Right. In the meanwhile, I have met more than one Mr. Lack of Reading Comprehension Skills. Perhaps I'm just not communicating well. I'm considering publishing Dating the GGB for Dummies, including the following handy glossary of Things I Want in a Man:

Educated. Generally, this means that you are educated beyond high school. It also means that you show signs of actually being educated, such as the ability to string together a coherent sentence and spell short words correctly.

Between the ages of 30 and 42. This means that you are actually between the ages of 30 and 42 according to an objective source such as your birth certificate or your driver's license. It does not mean that you look or act like you are 30-42, have been told you look/act like you are 30-42, or were cryogenically frozen at 30-42 and have recently been defrosted.

Unmarried. This means that if you and I were to get married, we would not be charged with bigamy. And no, "separated" does not count.

Stable. This means that you do not call your landlord "Dad."

Christian. This means that you are a believer in the Christian Gospel and a faithful participant in the faith. Thinking that Jesus is "cool" or having gone to church once since Jimmy Carter was in office do not count.


Kyle said...

Hah, very amusing read. Hope your luck improves.

megabethcom said...

Your list is practical and I am sure that you deserve every item on the list. However, good luck with selecting from the turd pile of single men that Birmingham offers. It's noon on a Sunday, so most of them are still in bed sleeping off a hangover from their late night at the Furnace.

Jack Heald said...

Geez, Ewe oUr won pikkee womyn. Wats yer proBlemo, eh?

Briscoe said...

A turd pile of single men? Good gravy! Harsh.

Geek Girl Blonde said...

Sugarmama said it -- not me!

-- GGB