Thursday, December 23, 2004

I've got a lot of problems with you people!

Here's another holiday to add to your winter smorgasboard: Today is Festivus. Yes, that Festivus made immortal by Mr. Costanza on Seinfeld.

And in the spirit of Festivus, I'd like to have a moment for the traditional Airing of Grievances:

To Paris Hilton, please, PLEASE go away.

To all spammers everywhere, I do not have a penis and I don't need Viagra, thank you.

To the men on the personal ads who have double chins and beer bellies, describe themselves as "athletic" and say they want the same in a woman, get off the computer and go run a few laps, will ya?

To Martha Stewart, complaining about the bad food in prison, get over it and shut up. You'll be back to foie gras and Beluga before you know it.

To Michael Moore, for the love of God, get an original title ... and gastric bypass ... and a one-way ticket to Yemen while you're at it.

To the "insurgents" in Iraq who enjoy blowing people up and sawing people's heads off, may someone else get to the 72 virgins before you do.

As for the rest of us, Happy Festivus!!! (I feel better now.)

1 comment:

El Jefe Maximo said...

Must try this Festivus thing sometime, although the Festivus pole sounds so much more boring than the Christmas tree.

I heard the "72 virgins" is a mis-translation -- they really get 72 Sun-Maid Raisons. Or maybe 72 dates with Paris Hilton.

BTW: I thought I saw Michael Moore taking your advice, getting off his computer and running a few laps.