Quote of the Day

"And you look at the table across from you, and a woman is sitting there in too tight low-rise jeans and SERIOUSLY? You can see her entire butt and thong. And I guarantee you what happens next: every girl at your table reaches back to make sure that her own derriere hasn't made a break for it, everyone then quietly wonders if she can't feel the draft, and then everyone can't stop looking at her thong, but not in a hot way. In, like, a 'should I TELL her that her thong is hanging out, or is she doing that on purpose?' kind of way. And then she leaves and everyone is relived [sic]."

Jessica at Go Fug Yourself

Like taking candy from a baby

A note to my gentle readers: Please be aware that your humble correspondent, the GGB, uses some very coarse language in the following post. I normally don't throw f-bombs around, and I don't think that ranting and cursing equals insightful commentary or intelligent discourse. However, some days some stories just make me furious and -- perhaps -- too off center to be exactly rational. Nevertheless, I stand by my comments and hope that the reader will understand my frame of mind when I wrote down these words.
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I can't tell you how furious this makes me.

Michelle Malkin: Abusing kids for "art"

In a nutshell, a kook photographer took a series of photos of toddlers in tears to express her feelings about the "helplessness and anger" she feels "about our current political and social situation." She deliberately made the kiddies cry by snatching away lollipops and then photographed their distress.

I have a two-year-old niece who is the light of my life. Few things make me happier than to see her sunny smile or have her climb into my lap for storybook time. And few things distress me more than to see her upset. It's one thing to take away the lollipop because she doesn't need candy; it's quite another to give her a lollipop then take it away to deliberately upset her!!

WHICH IS WHY YOU HAVE TO BE AN UTTER AND COMPLETE ... pardon my French and my shouting ... FUCKED-UP ASSHOLE TO THINK THIS IS ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR, MUCH LESS "ART."

If you can stomach it, go to Malkin's Web site and watch the actual slideshow. I only made it halfway through before I had to shut the damn thing off because I was about to cry. Tears of rage and empathy. Not tears over some self-absorbed lunatic's "helplessness and anger."

Good God help us all.

UPDATE: Although it's been pointed out that the taking-away-the-lollipop trick is a common method used in Hollywood to get a baby or toddler to cry on cue, the photographer in question also made the kiddies strip and had to usher parents out of the room on a few occasions to get the reaction she needed. This is straight from the horse's mouth -- you can listen to the interview on Malkin's blog.

I'm still big-time uncomfortable with provoking a child to tears for any reason, and especially provoking a string of them while they're nude for the purpose of making a political statement.

Lord, I need to avoid these kinds of posts. I'm getting a headache.

Blingblogging, part 3

The fabulous Rich and I went bling shopping again Tuesday. Let me just say one thing:

When the $10 Wal-Mart huge-ass peach crystal doo-dah I'm wearing right now feels more substantial than some of the rings I've tried on at high-end jewlery shops, something is definitely wrong.

Considering the fact that the wedding industry pulls in billions per year, it's a shame that so few jewelry stores cater to the bride-to-be. Rich has one more bling shop to pre-clear, and if that doesn't pan out, it's Zales all the way, baby!

Another thing I've noticed as a future bride: People getting married do scary things. Like this.

"Being delicious is not everything."

If you say so.

Engrish.com

Blingblogging, part 2

Rich and I did Round 2 of The Great Engagement Ring Search on Saturday morning. Let me just say that if you happen to be in search of wedding bling, I highly recommend Zales at the Riverchase Galleria.

Rich is planning to pre-clear a few other bling vendors, but if none of those pan out, then we have a winner at Zales, and not just because they had beauties like the one pictured here.

• The salespeople knew the difference between a princess cut and a hole in the ground.
• They gave me a place to sit. (Okay ... that might be diva-esque of me, but I'm shopping for an engagement ring, not a pound of sirloin.)
• The display case actually had useful information besides the names of the designers.
• The rings all had their center stones mounted in them. I understand that you might not want your best diamonds on display for the general public to get their grubby hands on them, but looking at a setting with empty prongs and trying to visualize the final product is like looking at a house with the roof missing.
• Their settings were the prettiest I'd seen and distinctly lacked that glitzy, cheap-feeling, overdone "Superbowl Ring" look, as Rich so aptly put it.

And the GGB is starting to rethink her idea of adding emeralds to the mix. Perhaps they weren't the best stones at one place we visited, but Rich's comment on the color: "Lime Kool Aid."

Love shouldn't get you arrested

Maybe there's a reason she's 45 and not married. If I were a man, I wouldn't want to take up with this idiot, either.

Woman asks 911 to send 'cutie pie' deputy

Blingblogging

And now for a more uplifting topic ...

As faithful GGB readers know, yours truly and Mr. Brain Squeezings himself, Rich, are knee-deep in wedding talk. As far as the engagement goes, it's all over but the shoutin'. Rich and I took a first stab at ring shopping last weekend, and we're hitting several stores in the morning. I'm still entertaining the idea of including colored stones in the design, but this little beauty I tried on was a favorite:









Not "The Ring" but a strong contender.

Phrase of the day

"Abu shakah dah."

Arabic literally translated as "this guy with the pee." Refers to a "grownup" who hasn't yet managed potty-training. Used by an Egyptian in reference to Hezbollah leader Nasrallah. Check it all out on "Israelly Cool," a blog by an Israeli in Australia.

http://www.israellycool.com/blog/_archives/2006/7/14/2115843.html

Mythbusters reject

Hot off today's Little Green Footballs:

9/11 conspiracy nut on Democratic Underground tries to debunk tower collapse with burning rabbit coop

I would just love to see Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman take on this goofball. (And, in all fairness, the commenters at DU were pretty merciless, too.)

Conspiracy theory #723: BUSTED!!

Back in the saddle soon

The GGB is on Day 10 of a 12-day hiatus from work, blogging and regular life in general. Rich and I have spent some time on the road and are looking forward to a wonderful Fourth of July in the 'Ham.

Blogging shall resume post-festivities. :)

And now for something light 'n' fun.

Mini Sushi Bracelet

Note to the Dixie Chicks: Yes, some of us Red Staters actually do know what sushi is.

Dissin' the Chicks

A choice bit of hagiography from the Telegraph:

Telegraph Entertainment How the Chicks survived their scrap with Bush

I thought their "scrap" was more with country music fans than the prez himself, but I digress. Here are some snippets (with inevitable commentary by yours truly):

Will it be the salmon teriyaki with organic greens, or asparagus tempura and tuna sashimi? As the waiter hovers with pencil poised, the Dixie Chicks debate the menu with the practised air of professional restaurant critics. The Chicks have traditionally been branded a country band, but clearly it's some time since their diet consisted of ribs, tacos and pancakes.

Oh, puke. Here we go again. Once again, the Eurosnobs show their ignorance. "The only thing country music fans (read: Red Staters) eat are chitlins, grits and pork rinds." Give me a break.

Sisters Emily Robison and Martie Maguire project a polished Fifth Avenue elegance, and vocalist Natalie Maines is a vision of sculpted cheekbones and smoky eye-shadow.

And looks like a punk Leprechaun in the photo accompanying the article. And I've never seen her with a decent hairdo.

Yet within days [of Maines' comment in London about George Bush], their music vanished from the charts and the airwaves, apoplectic rednecks crushed piles of their CDs with tractors, and the FBI was feverishly monitoring death threats against the trio.

Now, death threats are beyond the pale, but notice the "rednecks" comment! All you guys who found Maines' comments insulting and made a little theater out of it are rednecks! Oh, the horror of being called a redneck by the Telegraph. I might have to go lie down.

"It was the bullying and the scare factor," shudders banjo and guitar player Robison. "It was like the McCarthy days, and it was almost like the country was unrecognisable."

Excuse me while I wipe coffee off the computer monitor. Yeah, right. You guys were hauled in front of Congress, it got so bad. (BTW, McCarthy was right about Communists infiltrating the government, according to declassified Soviet cables, but that's for another post.)

"A lot of pandering started going on, and you'd see soldiers and the American flag in every video [by other country performers]. It became a sickening display of ultra-patriotism."

And you weren't pandering to the London crowd by slamming your own country in front of a foreign audience?

"The entire country may disagree with me, but I don't understand the necessity for patriotism," Maines resumes, through gritted teeth. "Why do you have to be a patriot? About what? This land is our land? Why? You can like where you live and like your life, but as for loving the whole country… I don't see why people care about patriotism."

This is precisely why you couldn't predict that your slamming the president before a foreign audience would ignite such a brushfire back home. And you apparently still cannot put 2 and 2 together, which perhaps explains why you wore that hideous plaid skirt and Leprechaun tights onstage.

There can be no rational explanation of how Maines's remark came to drive a red-hot poker into America's divided soul ...

The Telegraph is equally clueless.

Early concerns about the premature demise of the Chicks' career subsided when the furiously unapologetic single Not Ready to Make Nice became the most downloaded track on iTunes, despite a lack of radio airplay.

No mention of their canceling concert dates left and right. :)

This is so wrong. On so many levels.

Connie Chung bids farewell after the cancellation of her and her husband's television program on MSNBC.

"Thanks for the Memories"

Roseanne's rendition of "The Star-Spangled Banner" was worse. But not by much. Nice evening gown, tho'.

And your point is?

I'm still trying to figure out the point of this editorial, on the Fox News site, of all places:

FOXNews.com - Ahmadinejad and Bush: The Nuclear Shadowboxers - Iran

The author, John Moody, draws all these "parallels" between Bush and Ahmadinejad -- like they both talk about "God" a lot. I don't know if he's trying for some sort of moral equivalency, but this quote is telling:

"In the U.S. and much of Europe — in short, the traditional center of the Christian world — Ahmadinejad comes across as an out-of-control anti-Semite who wants Israel destroyed and who would risk his country’s survival on a gamble that the world will not and cannot stop him from producing a nuclear weapons arsenal."

Cough ... sputter ... excuse me? Comes across as? That's like saying Al-Zarqawi came across as a homicidal maniac.

If only they came with mute buttons

There’s a little keychain gadget you can buy on the Internet that will turn off almost any TV set. If only they made one for turning off kids. I don’t know when parents decided it was charming to subject strangers to indiscriminate blasts of decibels from their progeny, but I’m getting tired of kids who are louder than 747s.

Rich and I were at Buffalo Wild Wings on Saturday for lunch. Granted, BWW isn’t exactly an intimate bistro, but our conversation was stopped dead several times by shrieks from a table of kids six feet away. Saturday night, we were at a Chinese buffet. The evening was punctuated by ear-splitting screeches from a couple of kindergarteners. I hope the parents were embarrassed when the entire restaurant fell silent and glared.

Kids are exuberant; I know. I also know there is “inside voice,” “outside voice” and “banshee howl that is best reserved for kidnappings and grizzly bear attacks.” Last summer, I regularly heard blood-curdling screams from the neighboring condo complex – often after dark when the little monsters should have been in their jammies. They were playing in the pool. If I hadn’t known that, I would have called 911.

Yeah, I know. I don’t have kids. But I once was a kid and was not allowed to behave like that. Parents, if people stare at you in public when your kid decides it’s time for a hollerfest, they’re too loud. When strangers can’t tell the difference between a playful shout of glee and a scream that says, “I’m being eaten by fire ants,” it’s time to have a sit-down with little Jason or Ashley.

And when they finally do make a gadget that mutes a screeching kid, don’t blame me when I use it on your little brat.

A grape night!

Yesterday's beastly date -- 6/6/6 -- didn't bother me none.

It was Rich's and my "semianniversary" (or, if you will, "six-month-a-versary"). Yep. It was Dec. 6 of last year when Rich walked his handsome Teutonic-ness into Sumo and we spent two-and-a-half hours enjoying exquisite sushi and discovering that we had practically everything in common.

Last night, we spent the same amount of time in leisurely goodness at The Grape. There are two locations in Birmingham -- The Summit and Five Points South -- and if you haven't tried it, I highly recommend it. Rich, being the wine conoisseur that he is, steered us through four courses and a sampling of about seven different wines right into gastronomic Paradise. Course #3 was cheese. The aged Gouda was to die for. Course #4 was chocolate fondue with a Vignonier (sp?). Whiffs of apricot and honey. Unbelievable.

Unfortunately, the GGB came down with another @#$% migraine on the 45-minute drive home. (Dadgum 280 traffic.) I laid on the couch while my sweetie un-decorated my Christmas tree. (I know. For shame. It's June and the damn tree is still up.) But that, my friends, is Real Love. Putting up with a migraine-y female while you unload a crispy evergreen at 11 o'clock at night.

Self-reliance: What a concept!

Finally.

The government is advising people that you cannot always expect the government to pull your arse out of harm's way:

New York Times: As Hurricane Season Looms, States Aim to Scare

"This save-yourselves approach comes after government agencies were overwhelmed by pleas for help after last year's storms and strongly criticized as not responding swiftly or thoroughly enough to the public need. Now, officials have said repeatedly, only the elderly, the poor and the disabled should count on the government to help them escape a hurricane or endure its immediate aftermath."

Now, if we can just instill this attitude on about 1,578 other issues, we'll be doing good.

(Hat tip: Drudge)

This week's Bad Taste in Men Award

A juror who sent Scott Peterson to death row is now his pen pal. She describes him as "charming" and sez he showers her with compliments.

Sweetie, let me tell you something. You gotta watch out for those super-handsome charming types. At the very least, they tend to be full of themselves. At the very worst they, well ... they tend to be Scott Peterson.

FOXNews.com - Former Laci Peterson Case Juror Now Pen Pals With Scott

A little Happy Bunny citizen action is in order

I have this magnet on my refrigerator:

I know. It's rude and juvenille. It's also called for after the cosmically STUPID action taken by a majority of the Senate today.

Both of my senators -- Richard Shelby and Jeff Sessions (who's been a GODSEND in all this immigration reform nonsense) -- voted against the steaming pile of poo that was the senate version of the immigration bill. They can keep their jobs, for now.

I just wish I lived in Arizona so I could try to vote that pinhead John McCain out of office at my first opportunity. The idea of McCain getting the GOP presidential nomination makes me want to hurl. McCain versus Hillary. It's like having to choose between having hot coals shoved into your eye sockets and a hydrochloric acid enema.

Got some fries to go with that whopper?

"Since the beginning of my administration, the government of Mexico has promoted the establishment of a new system that regulates the movement of people across our border in a manner which is legal, safe and orderly."

-- Mexican President Vicente Fox, speaking in Utah

This is the same government of Mexico that has published booklets on how to cross the border illegally. Read more:

BREITBART.COM - Fox Says Immigration Challenges Friendship